This will never go anywhere. Both of us know that, yet we are strangely drawn to one another.
He taught me everything he knows about politics, how to force, how to manipulate, how to scheme, and when to do which. He awoke within me a love for this game. Because it is game, no less so than a game f chess. I am a Sith, could take this universe by force and be done with it. But it is so much more fun to seize the power legally, to have them *ask* me to take command.
It *will* happen. I *will* one day be Supreme Chancellor. After all, he is, and he has taught me everything he knows. Soon I shall be where he is now. Soon the student shall surpass the teacher. Soon the apprentice shall slay the master.
I have always known this would never go anywhere.
He knows it, too. He told me, said I was bad for him. That if the public ever found out that Finis Valorum, the most respected member of the Senate, was sleeping with a barely legal runaway fortunehunter from Naboo, his career would be over.
But that didn't stop him.
Nothing ever stopped us, not even my return 'home' and beginning political career. I should've put an end to it then. If word ever gets out about us, they'll say I slept my way into the Senate, that I bought his support. Both our careers would be over then. But I still can't stop this. I tell myself he's an easy lay, that I do it to keep a hold on him. Truth is, whatever hold I have over him doesn't need to be cemented in bed.
Yet I'm still here.
If I don't do this now, everything will have been for nothing. All my plans, my sheming, everything I've worked so hard on. I know that, but I'm still reluctant to bring him down. I remember over and over again our time together, the way he was in the beginning, so long ago.
I was very young then, still a boy according to society's standards. But I am a Sith, and Sith do not live by society's standards. I was well-trained by my master in both fighting and pleasuring, and I used that knowledge to my advantage. He fell for me hook, line and sinker and me, I was infected by his enthusiasm for this game called 'politics'.
When my master found out about my plans, he forbade me to execute them, preferring the ancient ways. There was no solution but to strike him down in order to become the one to restore the Sith to their former glory, throw over the senate and destroy the jedi.
It lasted longer than I thought, but soon, it will be over. I have always know this moment would come.
As I stand in the senate listening to the Queen bickering with the Trade Federation, I look at him, wishing, hoping against better judgement that he won't do what I know he'll do. I know him too well though, he appoints a committee, exactly as I knew he would. And as the Queen moves for a vote of no confidence, I know that I've lost him forever, that he knows I'm behind this and that he will never forgive me.
I have known all along that this was never meant to last. But that doesn't ease the pain, or soften this strange feeling of ... regret, perhaps?
P.S. Let this be a lesson to you all. Squick and ye shall receive. <g> C'me on, I dare you!