Title: The Wedding Night
Author: Bad Faery
E-Mail: bad_faery@yahoo.com  or akozen@blazenet.net 
Fandom: Blackadder
Pairing: Lt. George/ Gen. Melchett
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Blackadder Goes Forth- Major Star
Summary: What if Blackadder couldn't find a way to stop Melchett from
marrying the gorgeous Georgina?
Archive: Yes, please
Feedback: Yes, please. I've never written "Blackadder" before and I hope I
got the characterization at least somewhat right.
Disclaimer: I'm not sure who owns "Blackadder" but I know it isn't me. No
copyright infringement is intended. I'm making no money from this.

The Wedding Night

by Bad Faery

Captain Blackadder walked into his rooms to discover Baldrick arranging a
veil over Lt. George's hair. "What in God's name do you two think you're

"Well I have to have some kind of wedding dress" George replied. "The
General has already seen my performance dress. Do you think I should carry
red roses or white? White is more traditional, but the General gave my red
roses the night of the ball..."

Blackadder sighed in exasperation. "George you're not actually planning to
go through with this are you?"

George looked affronted. "Well sir, I don't see how I could do anything
else. I did say yes and a man's word is... well.. his word."

"The operative word being 'man'."

"Oh come sir! It won't be that bad. The General is a perfect gentleman.
One little peck after 'you may kiss the bride' and it'll all be over."

Blackadder wondered once again how George's brain managed the strain of
keeping him upright and speaking while still having enough left over to
remind him to breathe. Quite a herculean task for his four remaining brain
cells. "George, might I remind you that a marriage generally follows a


"Or more to the point. A wedding night."

George thought hard. "Maybe if I kept the dress down he wouldn't-"

"I think he'll notice, George."

"Oh. Blast."


The wedding went off without a hitch. Admittedly the chaplain had looked
appalled at first but one poorly-veiled threat from Melchett had quickly
seen him doing his best for the 'lovely couple'. George, or rather
Georgina, had seemed completely composed, playing the part of the happy
bride to the hilt. Perhaps he really did have a future on the stage.
Melchett had fidgeted nervously until his bride appeared, Georgina's
presence calming him instantly. Once one got past the glaring oddity of
the situation, they really did seem to be a happy couple.

In a remarkably short time vows and rings were exchanged. George had to
pry Melchett's away from Baldrick, who was sobbing too hard to participate.
Blackadder handed his over gladly, waiting for the moment when the General
would notice his beloved's hands were calloused from shooting practice.
But the moment passed without comment and Blackadder comforted himself with
the knowledge that at least he wouldn't be there when Melchett discovered
who exactly he'd married. Perhaps he'd have time to think of an excuse
after all.

At last the climax of the service was upon them. The chaplain pronounced
them husband and er- wife and told the General to kiss his bride. Melchett
lifted George's veil and looked deeply into his eyes for a moment, before
lowering his lips to the lieutenant's. The kiss, their first, was slow and
tender. Not at all what Blackadder had been expecting from the horny old
bastard. George looked shaken when Melchett finally lifted his head and
the general smiled at his nervous darling. "I love you, Chipmunk."

And when George replied, "I love you, Anthony." Blackadder had the feeling
that he meant it.


George, who'd remained composed through the ceremony, was losing what
little mind he had. Everything had been a mad whirl since the moment the
General had kissed him. Once the chaplain left there was a flurry of
toasts and congratulations before the couple retired to a luxurious suite
of rooms that Darling had arranged. Melchett had apologized for the lack
of a honeymoon and promised him a world-cruise the moment the war was over.
That was assuming he survived the wedding night.

Somewhere in the dim recesses of his mind George knew that this moment
would come. He'd been having so much fun pretending to be Georgina that
he'd managed to avoid thinking about it up until now. He'd enjoyed the
time he spent with the General, he was really quite charming when he was
out of Captain Blackadder's scope. He was also a superb dancer.

And a superb kisser.

George was not a smart man but he knew one thing. Men were not supposed to
like kissing other men. It simply wasn't done. It was disgusting. It was
immoral. It was wrong.

And he'd enjoyed it.

The General had looked at Georgina in a way he'd never looked at George.
Not just with love, but with respect. Melchett had known George since he
was a child, therefore George would always be a child in his eyes. He was
someone to be joked with and petted but not listened to.

But the General had listened to Georgina.

They'd talked for hours and Melchett had been interested in Georgina's
opinions. He'd really listened to what she had to say. Nobody had ever
listened to George before.

He'd told himself it was just the companionship he was enjoying. Something
new after spending three years just talking to Baldrick and the Captain.
He certainly wasn't falling in love.

Then Melchett kissed him.

And George found himself looking forward to the wedding night.

He knew this was not going to have a fairy-tale ending. He'd carried the
charade as far as he could and there was no turning back. The General was
going to want to consummate his marriage. And he was not going to be
pleased to find out that his perfect woman was none other than George St.

Maybe the General would kiss him again before he shot him.

The door opened behind him and George turned to see the General- his
husband- enter the room. Melchett smiled at his bride. "Here we are at
last, Chipmunk. I feel as though I've been waiting for this moment

George turned away, unable to bear the sight of love and happiness in the
General's eyes. Not when he knew that it would be supplanted by
disappointment and rage in a matter of minutes. He jumped as he felt a
pair of warm hands rest upon his shoulders, "Don't be nervous, darling.
I'd never hurt you. What's the matter with my little chipmunk?"

"I-" George shook his head as he found himself on the verge of tears.

"Oh darling, don't cry." The General gently turned George's face to his
own. "We're together now, everything will be fine."

With those kind words, George began to sob. Melchett pulled him close,
whispering soft endearments as he stroked George's back. "There now,
darling. Shhh... Everything's all right. Oh my beautiful darling. Easy,
my love. Shhhh..."

George reveled in the embrace, burying his face in the General's neck. He
concentrated on memorizing the feel of Melchett's arms around him as his
sobs gradually stopped. The General held him for a few more moments before
pulling back slightly and kissing his forehead. "That's better, chipmunk.
Now what's the matter?"

Taking a deep breath, George stepped out of his husband's arms and crossed
to the other side of the room. The moment had finally come and he could no
longer delay his hour of reckoning.


He forced himself to look Anthony in the eye as he made his confession.
"My name isn't Georgina."

Melchett looked confused and George completed the revelation by removing
his wig. He felt oddly naked without it as he watched the light of
realization dawn in the General's eyes as he took in George's military


"Yes, sir."

"That was you? The whole time?"

George winced. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir."

Melchett sat down heavily on a nearby chair. "Good lord."

Not seeing a proper way to answer the General's last statement, George
remained silent. He looked over at his husband, who had buried his face in
his hands. Melchett sat silently for a moment before saying quietly, "That
explains it then."

"Sir?" George queried, not sure if the General's words had been directed
at him.

Melchett shook his head. "Nothing, George. So how did Blackadder find
out, eh?" Not waiting for a reply, he continued, "What does he want? Did
he think that if he gave you to me, I'd send him home?"

"I'm sorry, sir?" George couldn't understand the General's reaction. He'd
expected one of the man's towering rages. He'd been prepared to endure
shouting and having furniture thrown about before being introduced the the
business end of the General's service revolver. He hadn't expected this
bleak despair. He returned his attention to the General's words.

"And how did he put you up to this? Did he blackmail you? Or was it a
bribe? One night with old Walrus-Face and you're free to go home. Was
that it, George?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, sir."

"Or maybe it was one of his jokes. Dangle you in front of me, only to
snatch you away at the last moment. Yes, Blackadder would enjoy that."

The growing level of bitterness in the General's voice was beginning to
make George nervous. Captain Blackadder was a wonderful commanding
officer. It wouldn't do for the General to be upset with him. He might
try to take away his command. Or worse.

"Sir, Captain Blackadder didn't have anything to do with this."

"He was the one who arranged for me to take you to the ball!"

"Well yes..." George thought fast, not an easy job for him. "He thought
you were making a rather good joke, sir. Just something to pass the time
while we waited for the order to advance. He just didn't want to

"He thought I was joking?" Melchett stared at him in disbelief. "What
about the wedding?"

Inspiration struck. "He thought it was at Captain Darling's expense, sir.
He thought you were trying to get a rise out of him. He never thought you
thought that I was...um..."

At this George ran out of words. It didn't seem to matter. Melchett
nodded slowly, apparently accepting his explanation. The Captain's dislike
for Darling was well-known, it wasn't outside of the realm of possibility
that he'd been willing to help take the piss out of him, as it were.
George heaved a sigh of relief. He'd gotten the Captain out of trouble all
by himself. This might be the greatest moment of triumph in his life.
Even better than the time he'd helped win the tiddlywinking competition.

"And what did you think, George?" the General questioned with a glint of
hope in his eyes.

George drew himself up proudly, he knew exactly what the General would be
wanting to hear. "I didn't think, sir. I was following orders." Yes,
that's right. Following orders like a good soldier.

His words did not have the desired effect. "Just following orders, eh?"
Melchett repeated bitterly, seeming to deflate a little. "Of course."

He was missing something. The intuitive part of George's brain, normally
dead silent, was, for once, raising Cain. Something very important was
happening in this room. George knew it. He just didn't know what it was.
Not being tops in the 'figuring things out' department, he was tempted to
ignore it. But the little voice in his head insisted that if he didn't at
least try, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. He concentrated hard,
mentally replaying everything the General had said since he'd discovered
that Georgina was merely George in a wig.


"Yes, George?" the General asked, wearily.

"When you said, 'How did Blackadder find out?' what did you mean?"

Melchett stared at him for a moment. "You really don't know, do you?"


"I thought it was obvious, and you didn't have the foggiest notion."

"I'm afraid I don't understand, sir."

George's words fell on deaf ears. Melchett was once again lost in his own
thoughts. His next words, when they came, seemed to be directed more to
himself than towards the other occupant of the room. "When I saw Georgina,
I felt as though I'd been struck by lightning. I worshipped her instantly.
I didn't understand how that could have happened to me, not when- But it
did. I was so proud of myself, I thought I'd finally overcome it. And she
was you the whole time. It all makes sense now."

George considered that it might make sense to the General, but he was still
lost. "Sir?"

Melchett looked at him musingly. "You were such a lovely boy, George. I
always thought so. And then you went away to school and I didn't see you
for years. I wondered, sometimes, what kind of a man you'd grown up to be.
Then you enlisted and came back into my life. I recognized you right away,
you'd been a lovely child but you were an even more beautiful man. You
hadn't lost any of that innocence or sweetness..."

The General paused to try and gauge George's reaction to his words. The
lieutenant certainly appeared stunned, but he couldn't tell if his words
were coming as a pleasant or an unpleasant shock. Melchett sighed and
decided to make a full confession. "I wanted you the moment I saw you and
it's only gotten worse over the years. Georgina was the only woman I'd
ever had feelings for and I couldn't understand where they were coming from
because I was so obsessed with you. Some part of me must have recognized
you even in that ridiculous dress and responded. I thought Blackadder knew
how I felt about you and set us up, either as blackmail or as a joke."

Light dawned on George. "Sir, are you saying that you... love me?"

"Yes George, that's exactly what I'm saying." Melchett sighed again,
totally defeated. "What do you want?"

George, still trying to process the knowledge that his husband actually
loved him, didn't follow the question. "Sir?"

"To keep this quiet, what do you want? An honorable discharge? You'd be
able to go home with no shame."

"Oh no, sir!" George was shocked. "I couldn't do that. It wouldn't be
right! I joined up to fight for my country and that's what I'm going to
do, by Jove!"

Melchett nodded, "Fine, fine. Not a discharge. What then? A promotion? A
new post? Money? What? Just name your price."

"I don't want anything, sir."

The General closed his eyes. "George, please reconsider this. I'll be
drummed out of the service. This... this is my life. I'll give you
anything, but please don't do this."

George stepped closer to his husband. "Anything I want, sir?"

Melchett waved a hand. "Yes, anything. Just name it."

"In that case, sir." George knelt down beside the General. "In that case,
I want you."

The General's head jerked around so he could meet George's eyes. "George?"

"I want you, sir. I've always admired you. I liked being with you when
you thought I was Georgina, but I didn't realize that I loved you until you
kissed me." He laughed a little hysterically. "Captain Blackadder always
says that I'm not too bright about things. I thought you'd shoot me when
you found out who I was and all I could think was that maybe you'd kiss me

Melchett cut him off by placing a hand to his face. "You really mean this,

"Yes, sir."

The General inspected his face with a dawning sense of wonder. "You do,
don't you? You really do mean it."

"Yes, sir."

"I think we can dispense with the formalities now, don't you Lieutenant?"


"Call me Anthony. After all, we *are* married now."

Any lingering doubts the General might have harbored were dispelled by the
brilliant smile George directed at him. He pulled his beloved close for a
tender kiss, still not quite able to believe that the much-longed-for
George was really his at last. Maybe Blackadder deserved a reward of some
kind for this. He'd think about it tomorrow.

After an endless moment, George pulled back from the kiss to look at the
man who'd so recently become his husband. It looked as though he was going
to survive his wedding night after all. He wished that he had the words to
tell the General how delighted he was by this turn of events. Not being a
poetic soul, he fell back on the tried and true.

"I love you , Anthony."

"I love you too, Chipmunk."

And it might not have been a cunning and subtle turn of phrase, but it was
quite satisfactory to the new lovers.

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