|Title: A Need To Know
Pairing: Just read it.
Rating: R, I guess...
Series/Sequel: I dunno.. Maybe.
Disclaimers: These characters aren’t mine, unfortunately, they belong to their original creators. I’m just here to have a little fun with them... Don’t sue, I own nothing.
Notes: It was a case of if you can’t find it slashed, slash it yourself... Oh well.
Summary: A little experimental kissing leads to other things.
A Need to Know
It’s a spidery sensation rippling through my body equal to a pebble in a pond. It’s soft and barely noticeable at first. Then gradually it reaches out in all directions, down my chest and stomach, extending to my arms and seeping into my legs...
His lips are against mine very gently and somewhere under this urge to push him away and overreact as I’m prone to do, there’s this need to pull him closer. It’s a need to taste his lips fully against mine. It’s a need to meld my mouth to his and just revel in the experience. Will I enjoy it, I wonder?
He pulls back slowly, studying me very carefully. There’s this uncertain look in his eye, and I realize that my expression must be somewhat shocked. I try to relax. I try to assume a look of wonder. I can only pray that I don’t look disgusted. However, despite my preferences, I can only guess what my face must convey to him. I must look somewhat at ease, because I’m stock-still as he tilts his head slightly and bends down to kiss me again. Our eyes close as he meets my motionless lips. I can subtly sense a certain tension form in him. Winding around his body and mind, I suppose, because I can feel him hesitate.
He’s going to pull away from me. He’s going to pull back regretfully and for a moment I’m caught in horrid indecision. I’ve spent a great deal of my life convincing people I’m not a homosexual. So, what is this? I like women, do I not? I do, and I know I do. And yet… I feel him start to pull back awkwardly, and I throw my internal debate into overdrive. What do I want? My muscles begin to tense, and I know he’s aware of my irresolution. What do I want right now?
Our lips are parted by mere centimeters… I can’t let this chance escape me. I want to know. I need to know. Shifting just slightly in the embrace of my leather recliner I reach up and gently grip the back of his neck, feeling the soft, black hair against my fingertips. I need to know… I keep my eyes closed as I pull him back toward me, slowly and persuasively, finding it an easy task seeing as how he’s leaning over me in my seat. He doesn’t resist and lets himself be guided back to my lips. I kiss him… warily and experimentally. There’s the faint pressure of him kissing me back and I pull away for a moment, my eyes still closed, my mind reeling as I increase the firmness of my grip on him. I slightly curl my fingers into the downy hair at the nape of his neck and rake the tip of my tongue over my own lips, wetting them.
Leaning back in, I feel him tilt his head further in an effort to accommodate me as our lips meet again. We kiss. A real kiss. Our lips press firmly together, a sweet, damp warmth injecting electricity into my veins. It flickers through my body and I shiver. Who knew such a kiss existed? After a moment of this fairly innocent union, I begin to move my lips against him delicately. Immediately he’s kissing me back. Cautiously, but soundly, we explore the new sensations this experience has to offer. I’ve had thoughts of this before. Thoughts quickly toyed with then discarded as though they were nothing. But those were mere thoughts… this… A tingle of delight seizes me as suddenly there’s the soft, wet, shy prodding of a tongue against my lips. I need to know… I don’t skip a beat as I let my mouth part slightly and let that damp, curious tongue slide past my lips and teeth. I feel a certain relaxation creep over me as my shoulders weaken and drop and my mouth yields fully, opening to him.
His tongue is a leisurely explorer. Slipping smoothly over my teeth and teasing at the tip of my own tongue, which I’ve moved to greet him. The taste of him is new and strange, yet completely tantalizing and erotic all at the same time.
He laps at the roof of my mouth slowly, then probes into the pliable, wet crevices, tasting and delving and shooting an arrow of lust I never knew I harbored for him directly through my stomach into my groin. This is incredible and unreal, and so unlike anything I’ve ever known. Our tongues are now pushing and dancing together. Slowly I begin to lean back into the recliner cushioning. Suddenly there’s a hand on my side, fingering and ruffling the material of my long-sleeved shirt. His fingers are deft and purposeful, bunching my shirt at my flank so he can stroke my bare skin. I shudder visibly, and vaguely begin to wonder how long he’s felt like this toward me.
Why hadn’t he made any advances before now? Was he as unsure of himself as me? Or was it that he couldn’t find the courage to confront me with his feelings? Where in the hell did this sexual tension between us come from? I realize that I’ve reached my other hand upward, skimming it down his shoulder and tentatively over his back. He leans into me eagerly and my thoughts become jumbled as his clothed body moves over me. The warm weight of him is pushing me into the chair. Our kiss, now a passionate, frantic lock, breaks long enough for us to breathe.
His breath is hot upon my lips. I lick them once more before his mouth devours mine again. I grab at him firmly, pulling him close. Reveling in the heat of his nearness. Abruptly, without any warning, he pushes his hips downward into mine, causing me to gasp sharply against his mouth. The searing heat between my legs pools and hardens, and I’m positive he can feel my desire though the thin material of my khakis. A soft groan rolls up from my throat into his mouth, muffled and almost inaudible. Encouraged and obviously somewhat caught up in the heat of the moment himself, I can feel both his hands upon my belt. My heart, slamming against my ribcage mercilessly, skips a beat. Is he doing what I think he’s doing?
Apparently he isn’t because now I’m roughly being yanked to my feet with his fingers curled about my belt. His mouth and mine hungrily press together, our tongues caught in a fervent struggle.
After being hauled to my feet I feel him moving backward, dragging me with him, keeping me closely ground to his body. For a moment a bout of vertigo arrests me and I almost feel sick before the abrupt, yielding surface of a mattress gives under my weight. It takes but an instant for me to realize he has pulled us into one of our rooms. From the thick feel of the comforter beneath me I safely assume it’s his room. As we kiss I begin to glide my way up along the bed until can let my head fall to rest on his pillows.
It’s then and there that it dawns on me how much I want this. How much I’ve really always wanted this. Have I been in denial…?
His hands are now up under my shirt, caressing the sensitive skin of my stomach and I can’t help but arch into him. Before I know it he’s straddled between my legs and laying fully into me. The need for this has effectively eradicated all thought of resistance from my head. I murmur nonsensical words under my breath, licking my way into his mouth as his hands travel up my chest with careful attention to my most sensitive spots. The spots that me jerk and shiver as he likes. He tugs at my shirt gently, and I swiftly begin shifting beneath him in an effort to get it off. Shedding my shirt to the floor, he pauses to sit back and examine me.
A soft ghost of a smile plays at the corners of his handsome mouth as he reaches up a hand to delicately brush at a few strands of my unkempt hair. His eyes study mine and I think my heart stops as he smiles affectionately… That smile. That gorgeous, attentive smile all for me… All my own… Not for one of those sashaying, self focused women he often dates, but for me. Something deep within me stirs and I can’t find any words for the moment. He gently cradles my face, still smiling that angelic smile at me, stroking his thumb carefully over my chin before he leans back down to kiss me again. Soft and slow and, dare I say, loving?
Brazenly I push my tongue into his mouth, slipping it between his carefully formed lips into the moistness beyond. There’s a smile against my mouth and his hands are grazing over my chest. He elicits a moan from me as he begins rolling his hips into mine again, pressing himself to my body tightly, and I can feel the hard heat behind his jeans. This is incredible… I feel as if his presence may overwhelm me, but suddenly he’s pulling back. I open my eyes quickly, dazed and confused.
Unable to suppress a smile, I watch him rip his shirt from himself as though it had caught flame. Flinging it aimlessly over his shoulder he lays back down into me, his lips descending to my neck to commence a bombardment of kissing, sucking, and licking upon the sensitive flesh found there. I arch and shudder at my friend’s touch, my head buried back in the pillow and a groan sounding through my partially open mouth.
I feel his lips upon my chest, my eyes closed tight, his hands skimming low to play at the pale skin of my stomach. My mind has a hard time comprehending the events taking place. I can’t believe this. Why not sooner?
I whimper then squirm under him as his fingers brush teasingly over the front of my pants. Gasping I lift my head to glance down at him. He looks up to meet my gaze. The affection I saw there just a moment ago is now replaced by something else. It’s something that makes his eyes burn with such intensity and determination that I can barely breathe. It’s lust. It’s desire. It’s want... I shudder visibly, my hands shaking as I reach up and grip one of his shoulders, my other hand clenching the comforter between my fingers.
Suddenly a wave of doubt washes over me, cold and clarifying. I open my mouth to speak, to voice my fear, but suddenly his finger is there, silencing me. I stare at him as he eyes me, his other hand pushed slightly under the front of my pants. My heart pounds, my ears flooded with the sound of my own rushing blood. Every part of me is trembling, and I indistinctly wonder if he can feel it. With his finger still firmly pressed to my lips he bows his head as I watch. I freeze up, almost frightened for some reason, then jerking, making a soft sound of surprise as I feel the wet sensation of his tongue on my stomach.
I squirm, my lips parting against his finger, hissing as his mouth captures my skin and suckles softly. Groaning, I force myself up on an elbow, staring down at him as he gently licks his way to my navel. My face, long since flushed, feels even warmer now and I can imagine the crimson tone it’s taken. I can’t stand this. It’s all too much for me. Without thinking I turn my head to the side and slip the tip of his finger into my mouth. His attentions to my stomach falter a moment as I suck the length of his finger across my tongue. I can feel him shiver at my actions. He doesn’t look up, however, and begins kissing softly below my navel.
The taste of salty flesh is not new to me, however there’s this underlying taste that I cannot identify. I cannot name. It’s uniquely him, and I revel in it. I suckle gently on his finger, tasting him as he kisses down to my belt, licking at the leather erotically.
Without warning he’s pulling his finger from my mouth, met with the resistance of the hard suction of my sucking. I collapse back onto the bed, gasping for breath, my head spinning. I hear the faint clinking of metal and then a sharp tug catches me off guard. Alarmed, I glance sharply down at him. He’s yanking my belt from around me and quickly undoing the front of my pants. I’ve forgotten how to breathe...
"W-wait," I stutter, but he pays me no mind. Swiftly he unzips my khakis, then roughly pulls them down the curve of my embarrassingly slender hips. Before I can utter another word I’m lying under the scrutiny of his roaming eyes clad only in my dark blue boxers and a deep blush. His hands are languidly running up and down my sides and hips as he stares at me in, what I realize to be, appreciation.
"You’re beautiful," he whispers suddenly, surprising me and adding a darker shade to my face as I blush insanely.
I avert my eyes. I’m uncertain of what to say to such a strange comment. I’ve been called many things before... vicious, cynical, smart ass, ruthless, sarcastic, girlish, but never beautiful. Isn’t it an insult to call a man beautiful? Even so, I don’t take it as one. My heart, lost in a staccato procession of wild pounding, swells. He thinks that of me? I’m beautiful to him...? Despite the foolishness of it, I can’t help but feel awed and complimented.
A sharp, pleasurable sensation rockets up from between my legs and through my body abruptly and I cry out, my eyes closing tight. I feel the warm pressure of his mouth on the front of my boxers, and I’m moaning his name, reaching for him desperately. Dear God...
I grasp his shoulders with both hands, my fingertips digging into the warm flesh, imprinting little white circles into the tan skin. I’m bucking up under him, I realize, straining and groaning and shivering with pleasure.
The bed bounces under me a moment, and my eyes snap open as the electric feel of his mouth leaves the most sensitive part of my body. I look down again, watching him as he’s suddenly struggling out of the confines of his jeans. Taking notice of myself, I can see small dark circles on the front of my boxers where his mouth has dampened the material.
Down go his pants and, surprisingly, his boxers too. I stare at him, long and hard. I’ve seen him naked before, like at the gym showers and what not, but never like this. Never caught up in the heat of the moment. Never with his body so flushed, so eager, and so blatantly displaying its arousal. A string of emotions play through me and all I can think of his how much I want our bodies grinding together at this moment. I can only think of how much I want him.
He knows I’m watching him and he gazes up at me with a teasing expression scrawled over his handsome features. Wordlessly he grips my boxers and slowly begins to pull them downward. I swallow. Hard. I push my head back into the pillow, my eyes shut tight in disbelief as I try to absorb this moment. I hiss, my hips rocking up involuntarily as the elastic band of my boxers scrape my overly sensitive flesh. A soft chuckle meets my ears, his voice is low and the rich familiar timbre of his laughter makes me shudder.
As I feel my boxers slide over my ankles and off my feet I find my breath uneven and shallow. A long pause ensues and I squirm slightly, afraid to glance down, afraid of what’s going on, afraid of what his expression may be saying.
Slowly, carefully I feel his body easing over mine and I dare to open my eyes. His lips are on mine suddenly and he’s rocking himself down against me. I moan out loud, deep and throaty, his heated arousal pressing into mine. The feeling is incredible. I’m overwhelmed and disoriented. I shove myself upward, eagerly grinding our hips together, whimpering as my body trembles with such erotic pleasure I think I might pass out. In a sudden moment of passion, I wind my legs around his waist and snake my arms up around his neck. I feel as if I’ve been denying myself something vital for too long. Our bodies are smooth and warm against each other. My hands are buried in his silky hair. His breath is hot upon my neck and there’s a low groan sounding in his throat. I can’t get enough of this. He thrusts his body to mine and I can’t help but push back on instinct, my body riddled with pleasure.
His hands are sliding down my sides, caressing the flushed skin. I’m murmuring incoherently now. Pressing to him in the wild, frenzied whirl of bodies that is our lovemaking.
Suddenly he slides downward, pulling me up practically upon his lap and apprehension floods through my body in waves. Am I ready for this? His hands are on my thighs, running up and down lightly. I close my eyes tight, my body shivering, my breathing reduced to wild, uncontrolled pants. His fingers slide down my skin and through the scarce, light brown hair that fans down my lower stomach and down between my legs. I swallow a lump that’s worked its way into my throat like a knot of dry rope. His lips are on my inner thigh and I seriously believe I’m about to hit climax right here and now. I cry out his name in a short, cut yelp. He’s touching me now, gripping me tightly, and the hot flesh between my legs throbs rudely. I’m gonna die... No woman has ever evoked such sensations from me. Ever.
"Like that? Are you ready?" He murmurs seductively, and I don’t bother to open my eyes as I nod vigorously. I whimper for him not to stop. Keep going. I need this. I need him. Don’t stop...
It’s abrupt and sudden and so painful that sharp, red lights burst behind my vision and I think I’m crying out in pain. My brow furrows and I clench the sheets between my fingers until my knuckles are bled white.
He eases off, pulling himself back until the searing stabs of pain subside. I can hear him whispering frantic apologies through the pounding of my heart.
I reach up for him anxiously, needing him near me. He leans down, placing apologetic kisses over my face.
"I’m sorry, I’m sorry... I know it hurts."
I ignore his words and slowly start to push myself down onto his hips, easing him into me as carefully as possible. He tries to pull back, but I won’t let him, locking a hand behind his neck and dragging him close enough to bury my teeth into his shoulder.
"I want this..." I grit through my teeth, and his body freezes. There’s a mere moment of stillness before he grabs my hips and gently begins to guide me downward. I bite down into his skin, a strangled sound of anguish expressed through my teeth. Fire renders me motionless, tears flooding my closed eyes. I hiss, biting down harder as a pain like I’ve never known rips through me and makes me grip his neck tighter. His mouth is pressed close to my ear and he utters a low, appreciative groan.
There’s stillness between us now. I can feel the silky contours of his skin on mine, warm, smooth and unlike anything else. I slowly pull away, leaning back into the bed and he follows quietly, moving up over me. He reaches down and kisses at my face, my hands sliding down the fluid form of his back.
For a split second I’m able to marvel at the incredible feel of our union before he begins to move against me and my thoughts disperse like a handful of sand released into a determined desert wind.
I choke, grasping him, feeling the tight, hot friction of our skin as he slides up then back down into me, grazing something inside very sensitive and very pleasurable.
"Yes!" I hiss, licking my lips, shutting my eyes tight as I too begin to move against him, our bodies finding a rhythmn.
It’s a slow, building process... He’s moving against me gently at first... He grunts softly into my ear, and I gasp helplessly as he rocks his hips down into mine, forcing me upward. A quick growl rolls up my throat as he pushes into me tightly. My fingers dig into his skin, a streak of sweat sliding down the side of my flushed face as he thrusts into me again.
Our pace quickens, my body thrumming, my erection brushing up against his stomach and driving white sparks of pleasure through my being. I can feel him shift a moment and before I can even spare a moment to open my eyes I feel his hand clamp roughly down on the very core of my desire, deriving a hoarse cry from me.
I instinctively thrust upward into his hand, crying his name, feeling him drive into me and press fully against that most perfectly sensitive spot... I can’t breathe. I can’t think.
All I know now is our bodies are pushing and grinding together. He’s panting my name in my ear and quickly running his hand up and down my arousal in perfect synchronization with our movements, his free hand moving up to clench into my hair. I’m gasping, my body trembling and I know I can’t hold out much longer. One thought consumes me...
"Harder!" I grind the word out with a massive effort and suddenly he’s thrusting up into me mercilessly. I don’t pale under his aggression, but meet his rough actions, bowing under the waves of intensity that flood over me, drowning me..
His grip on me tightens and as he slams his body into mine I’m beside myself, unable to breathe as my climax washes over me, I don’t even acknowledge the sharp pain in my scalp as he jerks my hair in his efforts to move against me. A brilliant white shatters and flashes behind my vision like slivers of blazing glass, driven there by such an intense pleasure as I’ve never known. I faintly register through the loud pounding in my head that someone is screaming. That someone, I realize, is me... I feel my own heated release upon my stomach, his hot breath on my neck. I can barely hear him grunting in effort, I can barely decipher the sound of him crying out my name as he, too, cums. My body is invaded by a rush of liquid heat that is him.
I can’t do anything, but cling to him tightly as his last few powerful thrusts grind to halt... He falls against me, our bodies sticky and hot... Pleasure ripples through me in electric pulses, my heart beats behind my eyes and I gasp for breath... I feel as if it only lasted a second... One glorious, precious, intense second...
Sleep slips up behind me all too quickly, as I knew she would, wrapping her arms about me and pulling me down into the numbing darkness of the unconscious, letting me ride down slowly on the ebbing wave of my climax... I struggle to open my eyes, fighting her stubbornly. But I can’t resist the heavy feeling that invades my limbs. I can’t fight the tendrils of sleep that wind about my mind and block out the world around me. There’s him.. and me... and then nothing...
Warmth encompasses me and sleep unfurls from my mind like wisps of smoke. A slow smile creeps over my lips as I bask in the perfect comfort of my bed. I snuggle tighter into my blankets in a sort of childish, reveling way. Suddenly there’s a voice in my ear, whispering my name questioningly.
I pause… Who in the hell is in my bed?
I don’t remember meeting a woman last night… The voice is soft, inquiring, and very oddly familiar. Slowly I roll over, rubbing my eyes groggily. I blink a few times to orient myself, my vision bleary, staring up into a face peering back down at me curiously, even somewhat cautiously.
Joey smiles at me warily, his expression slightly shy as he reaches up and brushes at my disheveled hair.
Oh. My. God.
He leans forward and places a very delicate kiss upon my forehead.
…Oh. My. God.
I bolt upright, surprise most evidently displayed over my features. I snatch the comforter up around me, staring at him wide-eyed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bed?!"
I glance about frantically. I pause a moment…
"…What the hell am I doing in your bed?!"
His hands are on my shoulders now and he tells me to calm down. I pull away from him, glaring. He crawls forward, I notice that he’s attired only in his boxers. I’m not sure what I’m saying, but my mouth is producing an incoherent string of phrases and questions. Joey stares at me, his face scrunched in concentration and confusion. All I know is my mouth is moving and there’s a shrewd smile forming on his lips.
Joey sits forward, kissing me. My words drown against him as he works my bottom lip into his mouth. I freeze, feeling the soft suction on my lip. A very distinct shudder darts through me as his hand runs down the front of my chest and down to where his fingers splay over my stomach, somewhat massaging into my skin, in a comforting manner. His other hand is still on my shoulder, rubbing.
He pulls back, eyeing me. A long silence stretches between us as we stare at one and other. He smiles a soothing smile.
"Are… you all right?"
"I… I think so…"
Last night comes fluttering back to my memory like a moth that had strayed from its flame a bit too long.
I lean toward him, my expression, I know, somewhat strained.
"Are…are y-you all right?"
He eyes me quietly, then nods, smiling.
He pauses to rethink this statement.
"Actually, I’m better than great. I’m... beyond great. I’m great enough to be better than great."
It takes me a minute to realize that I’m speaking with Joey and such an answer as this is hardly far from usual.
I nod slowly, not exactly sure what to say. My eyes trail down to the comforter I’m clutching. I feel somewhat numb. I feel almost as if I’m sitting somewhere outside of myself and watching this ridiculous shell of a body try and grope its way about this awkward situation. The fact that I’ve spent the night in the arms of my roommate and best friend is not the easiest information in the world to swallow without choking on it first a few times.
My eyes trail back to Joey and I notice he’s watching me with almost a aura of child-like innocence.
Suddenly he’s closer than before, pressing right up to me, skin on skin. I recoil, looking agitated, I know. He doesn’t seem to care, however, as he presses his face into the nook of my neck. I swallow, falling backward some. I can feel his lips softly upon my throat, nuzzling against me. A sharp gasp burns my throat and I freeze on the spot, listening to him murmur to me carelessly.
"Last night was incredible... You feel... The way your body fits to mine was like... God, Chandler, I want to do it all over again..."
His hands snake around my waist, pulling me closer, letting the side of my head rest upon his shoulder. For what else am I suppose to do? He pulls me in tight, snuggling up to me.
He mutters simply and I can feel his lips curve into a smile against the pale skin of my neck. Before I can say anything in return he’s pulling me down into the bed with him, wrapping his body about me. His skin is almost burning me, so warm, so close.
I slowly relax against him, just pondering for a moment. How did this happen? His arms gently pull me over and suddenly were tangled together in a loving embrace.
I lower my head and my face meets the warmth of his shoulder, the faint smell of dried sweat vaguely emitting from his skin, overpowered by the smell of his fading cologne.
I really like that smell... partly because I know some of that sweat is my own...
I shudder abruptly as his hand works its way into my hair. He’s almost, in a way, petting me. I like it. A lot.
After a moment silence between us something occurs to me and I pull my head up, glancing at him quietly. I take my time just to study him for a second, my wonder caught in my throat momentarily as his eyes meet mine. I swallow, licking my lips...
"So...What.. what now, Joe, huh?"
He blinks at me curiously, looking befuddled.
"What do you mean?"
He tilts his head to the side, his lip curling up in a look I instantly misconstrue for distrust.
"Next time we use your bed."
Blink. Blink. What? Next... Next time?
"You mean... you.. you wanna... I mean... there’s a next time?"
He flashes me a look that clearly says "like there wouldn’t be" and kisses me again, a little more playfully than before. I swallow again. I just can’t help myself and before I can stop the words just pour out of me...
"I really like this.. Us, I mean. Feels... good."
He nods, pulling me to him, licking and kissing very delicately at the corners of my lips. I feel a rush of heat flush my face and my eyes flutter close on their own accord.
"Love you." He breathes against my mouth and I know there’s nothing left to say... I just let myself fall up against him. I like this... us. Us, I realize, is something I can definitely get used to. Us, I decide, feels right... and now I know exactly what us is all about....