TITLE: A Full Disclosure
SERIES: Sequel to The Last Wetherton Virgin
DISCLAIMER: Thank you, Reginald Hill, for creating these wonderful characters which I’ve merely borrowed.
DEDICATION: For Fiona, with thanks.
A Full Disclosure
by Violet Nightingale
One night several months after we finally became lovers we were lying in bed, Andy and I. It was Sunday night, a quiet night, and it was late. As usual, I was praying the phone wouldn’t ring. We’d made love earlier and it’d been great. It’d been fun, but what I noticed more and more was that it somehow became deeper. The longer we were together, the more we seemed to give and the more we shared. With Ellie it had been the same but I’d always felt there were parts of her that I could never share and would never know. No doubt the mystery had been part of the attraction. Long before I’d married her Andy had said that I was well rid of her, unless she was a phenomenally good shag. She’d been far more than that, and if there were parts of her that I would never get to know or understand, equally she never understood me or the importance of my work. Oh, she eventually came around to respecting Andy. She was even fond of him in her own way, but she never liked him and she was scared I’d become too much like him. To my way of thinking there was no danger of that, but she couldn’t see that - or wouldn’t.
Anyway, we were lying there, not really sleepy though, and I was stroking Andy’s chest, running my hands over the scars of the bullet holes. Often did that. Never asked him about it. Reckoned he probably wouldn’t like to remember that time. However, as I again touched the scars tonight he smiled at me.
"Sunbeam, it takes more than a couple of bullets to kill me."
"Four centimetres closer to your heart and I’d’ve been bearing your coffin."
He chuckled. "Now that would be a sight to see - me own funeral. Maybe a memorial service too so you could all say nice things about me?" But his words only gave me the creeps and the last - the very last thing I wanted to contemplate was a future without him. Not now. Not now that I’d finally realised how much he meant to me.
"Don’t say that. It’s not funny!"
He hugged me. "Come on, Petal. I’m a tough old bugger, ya know that. I’ll be around a few more years yet."
"You don’t know that!" I protested. "None of us knows that! None of us knows what the future holds!"
I pulled back to look at him. "Now what’s that supposed to mean? You suddenly got a hotline to God or something?"
"Nay, Sunbeam, but if I tell you you might think I’m a bit daft."
"Why? Tell me."
"Something happened when I got shot. It were after they got me to hospital, during the operation. Think my heart must have stopped. All I know was that all of a sudden there I was somewhere up near the ceiling and there were alarms going off. They put those clamps on me to resuscitate me but it didn’t work. I could hear every word the doctors said. Every order they gave. But then someone else was with me."
He shook his head. "All I know is that I never felt so wonderful in me life. I knew I were dying - and I didn’t care. But then this voice says it’s not yet my time, that I had to go back. Couldn’t understand it. Didn’t seem fair, so I asked why. All they said was ‘There is someone who needs you’."
"They?" I queried.
"Aye, ‘they’. Had the feeling there was more than one person around me."
"Person. Spirit. Whatever you want to call them. Stop you’re grillin’, Chief Inspector!" He gave me a playful poke in the ribs. "Then they were resuscitatin’ me again, and my heart must’ve started again, and that’s all I remember. When I woke up after the operation I just sort of ‘ad the feelin’ I’m gonna be around for a while. Still ‘ave it. So you see, Petal, I don’t think y‘ave to worry too much."
Of course I’d heard of near-death experiences but I’d never actually met anyone who’d had one, until now. "Do you believe it though? Do you believe it really happened and wasn’t just a result of the drugs they’d given you?"
"Aye, Sunbeam, I do. Later I told one of the nurses what she’d said when I was under the knife and she went white as a sheet!"
At that point I don’t know what came over me but I got very emotional. He hugged me and reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere, but that just made it worse.
What was eating at me was that I’d never given Andy a word of explanation or apology as to why I hadn’t gone to see him for three months after he’d got shot during the siege at the British Grenadier. Three long months while he recuperated alone. Oh, I knew Wieldy and Shirl and many of the others had gone, but I hadn’t. I’d sent flowers and Ellie’d gone to see him and taken Rosie too and she’d told me how glad he was to see his little goddaughter. Three months - and I never even sent a note. Didn’t even ring him. At the very least I owed Andy an explanation for my unforgivable neglect of my friend and senior officer - and a huge apology.
"Andy, I’m sorry."
"Lad, what’s the matter? Y’ave nowt to be sorry for, ya know that."
All the same I felt like six kinds of a heel. "I have to tell you, explain..." He got a tissue and wiped my face. "Nay, Sunbeam. Ya’ owe me nowt. I know you were going through a rough time and y’ad extra work what with me bein’ laid up."
Andy knew. He always knew.
"Wasn’t just that," I managed. He kissed my cheek very softly. Lord, but the man could be so damned gentle.
"What then?" He kissed my other cheek.
"I was on the point of resigning."
He stopped kissing me and gazed at me in that penetrating way of his. "You serious, Sunbeam? I mean I knew things were bad between you and Ellie but..."
"Worse than you knew." There was still a hard core of regret deep inside me over that time. Lord, the rows we’d had! Half the street must have heard them!
"Wieldy never mentioned that."
"Wieldy didn’t know the half. No one did."
We lay side by side very close, and he must have heard the bitterness in my voice for he took my hands in his own warm ones, reassuring me of his prescence, his care. "It’s all right Sunbeam. You don’t ‘ave to talk about it if you don’t want to."
It was time to tell Andy the whole truth. He deserved it, and if he condemned me for it, well it was my own fault anyway.
I shook my head. "I have to say this, Andy."
"All right, lad, best get it off your chest, then we can ‘ave some fun."
It was impossible to keep a straight face with him. "You love to have fun."
"What good’s life if you can’t ‘ave a bit of fun!" I deliberately ran my fingers through his hair and mussed it, smiling down at him, the acrid bile inside temporarily banished as he took my face between his hands and pulled me down for a kiss. As I sucked delightedly on his tongue I was reassured, as he knew I’d be, of the man’s generosity of spirit.
"Stop distracting me!" I protested.
"Aye and stop your kissin!" he retorted, leaning over to kiss me again, a kiss that left both of us breathless and half aroused.
"Bastard!" I muttered, kissing him back, feeling his erection harden delightfully against my own.
"Aye, I’m a mean bastard!" he agreed, reaching for my arse and pulling me tighter against him.
"I’ll teach you to play fair!" I insisted, parting his legs and stroking his balls. Like any man, he adored having his balls fondled and would turn into absolute putty in my hands. That lovely big cock of his was wonderfully swollen, but I deliberately ignored it, only letting my fingers briefly touch the base. However, I did allow a finger to delve deeper down behind his balls to stroke the very sensitive area behind them, before trailing it over the opening. He groaned as I did so, a soft yearning sound.
"Sunbeam, I *never* play fair, I play dirty!" His voice was husky, a little breathless, and it drove my own level of excitement even higher.
"Rotten bugger!" I muttered, as he sucked deliciously on my nipples and my cock ached for his touch.
"So tell me you don’t want me!" he challenged, mouth moving lower.
"I don’t want you," I muttered, dying for him to move even lower so I could fuck his mouth. Oh, God, he could drive me insane!
"Say that again, Sunbeam!"
"I don’t want you," I moaned. "I never want you."
He took my cock into his mouth and devoured me whole.
Afterwards, as I lay there beside him, sated and utterly happy; it somehow made it easier for me to speak of that time only four months ago - and yet a lifetime ago - when my marriage was in tatters and Andy had nearly been killed.
"Come on, Sunbeam, you can tell me now," he murmured ever so gently.
God, the man could read me like a book! "How did you know?"
He smiled. "Now, Sunbeam, how could I possibly get mad at you after a wonderful shag like that, especially when I can still taste you in me mouth!" He winked at me and I laughed and hugged him.
He stroked my hair a little and murmured, "Lord, but you’re a luvely lad! So say what y’ave to say so’s we can ‘ave some more fun!"
I shook my head, smiling at him, the apprehension I’d felt earlier clean gone.
"All right." I took a deep breath. "As you know, my marriage really fell to pieces while you were recuperating. What you didn’t know was that it was already on the rocks. Ellie was forever accusing me of never being home, not spending enough time with Rosie. Well, you know."
"Aye, Sunshine, I know. So tell me what I don’t know."
"Without your presence in the Nick I ended up working longer hours. Getting home around half nine and leaving home at seven. Ellie and Rosie hardly even saw me. I told her it was just till you were back at work but at the end of the first week we began to have really bad rows. She said it was you, or her." I turned to gaze at him once more, expecting to see I’m not sure what, but all I saw was understanding. "Oh, Andy, I’ve no excuses but you know how much my family meant to me. Ellie wanted us to move to London and finally I said I’d put in for a transfer as soon as you were better. But I never felt good about the decision. I knew it was wrong but I wanted to keep my family. Besides, I wanted so much to go and see you, but I knew if I only saw you once I’d change my mind and stay in Wetherton - and that would be the end of my marriage. The end of everything. Oh, God, Andy, I *couldn’t* see you! Can you understand? I dared not see you - not even once! Once would have been my undoing and I knew it! I didn’t know how I was going to handle your return to work, didn’t even think about it. I filled out my request for transfer papers, but I never handed them in. You came back prematurely and the next thing I knew I was working with you again, and I was bloody schizoid because I wanted to keep my family together, but I wanted to stay in Wetherton too. Ellie had already kicked me out of the bedroom and I was sleeping in the spare room. Felt bloody miserable. When you came back I knew my marriage was doomed and there was no use continuing the charade. You got in the car with me and I took one look at you - and I knew I was finished. My first impulse was to throw my arms around you and hug you and kiss you. I’d half hoped somehow you’d changed, or I’d changed, during those three months so that when you came back I wouldn’t want to be with you any more." I took a deep breath and continued. I had to say it all now. "But you hadn’t, and I was angry. I hated myself for wanting to spend time with you instead of my family and I hated you for making me want you. Oh, I know you’d done nothing to warrant it but that’s how I felt about you at the time. You were back - and my happy little family flew out the window never to return!" I gazed at him once more, half fearful my words might have hurt him dreadfully, but there was only compassion in his eyes. "I thought about it that night. I had to face up to the fact that I couldn’t leave Wetherton - leave you - even for the sake of my family. I had to accept that. The next day I asked if I could move in with you." I took his hands and squeezed them. "It meant so much to me to move into your house. But then you went off for a holiday..."
"Oh, yes, Florrie Stockton. Now there was an attractive witch," he mused. "Had to lock ‘er up after her husband confessed she’d put him up to it, didn’t we." "Aye. While you were gone Ellie rang to give me one last chance. She asked if I was going to send off the transfer papers, and I told her I was too busy. She accused me of being a coward and said she was getting a divorce. So much for marriage!"
Of course he immediately detected the bitterness had returned and he leaned closer to rub his cheek against my forehead. A little stubble there. Felt good. He kissed my forehead. I forced myself to continue. "The one thing I will never forgive myself for is neglecting you, Andy. Buried myself in work and tried desperately not to even think about you. You’d been shot twice. Nearly died, and I’ve no right to ask for your forgiveness."
"Hush, lad. That’s long over with - and I knew... well most of it anyway. But I reckon I needed to hear the rest." He smiled at me and took my hands, bringing them up to his lips to kiss the palms. "So that’s why you’re always looking at my wounds. Touching them."
Hopelessly, I nod. "Because when you needed me I wasn’t there," I answer ruefully. "Too stupid to realise my marriage was already a lost cause."
He let go my hands only to take my face in his. "Listen to me, Petal. Y’ad every right to try savin’ your marriage any way you saw fit, *even* takin’ a transfer. And since your Ellie saw me as the cause of all her woes, well that put me right smack in the middle, didn’t it, and I’m sorry for that, lad. Never meant to come between ya." He kissed my cheek. "Petal, you flatter me. You humble me. Ya put me up there before you’re own family! What can I say?"
I pressed my cheek against his. "Andy," I turned him to face me so I could kiss him, "it was worth it!"
"It doesn’t matter," I protested. "I shouldn’t have..." To silence me he leaned forward and kissed me. First a short one to see if I’d object, then a longer one when I didn’t. Much longer. Felt wonderful.
"And there’s one other thing," I tried to continue.
"Well out with it!" he says in his imperious manner.
"Something I couldn’t admit to for the longest time." I ran a finger down his cheek and over his lips, feeling him kiss it.
"I’d been dreaming about you."
His eyes widened and he smiled. "Well, go on, Sunbeam. Don’t stop there. Tell us about these dreams."
"I remember the first one. It was about a year ago. Woke up with this massive hard-on in the middle of the night and I remembered what I’d been dreaming."
"And what might that have been?"
"You were sucking me off."
"My, my! Naughty boy!"
"Well I didn’t take much notice. You know, standard role reversal stuff."
"Let me guess: You laughed and rolled over on top of Ellie."
"Right. But then it happened again. And again. I’ll never forget the morning I woke up from a dream where we were kissing..."
"My tongue was down your throat."
"Oh, aye!" He was positively grinning.
"Aye, and I’d another massive hard-on and Ellie was already up getting Rosie’s breakfast."
He cocked his head to one side. "Poor lad!" The mock-sympathy in his voice was priceless. "Used your ‘and?"
"Yeah, only when I fantasised about Ellie, my erection just... died."
"One for the books!"
"Yeah. Then I thought of the dream again. Sort of, you know, relived it..."
"Had one of the fastest orgasms I’ve ever had in my life." He burst out laughing. "The next night when I tried to make love to Ellie, well I found I couldn’t get it up. I was bitterly ashamed. What kind of husband was I? Couldn’t even satisfy his own wife because he couldn’t stop thinking about sex with his boss. Oh, I thoroughly berated myself for a fool and..."
"And you asked yourself ‘Why am I fantasising about my ugly bugger of a boss when I’ve a beautiful wife at ‘ome? Right?"
"Something like that." In fact, he was spot on, as usual.
"And you felt guilty."
"Doubly so. I was letting Ellie down and I’d no right to be thinking about you that way."
"Now let me tell you something, Sunbeam. First time I clapped eyes on you I said to meself, ‘Here’s trouble. Smart-arse university bugger - and an ‘andsome one at that."
I looked at him, surprised I guess, that he’d noticed my looks. Somehow I’d always thought my looks meant nothing to him even if he had occasionally referred to me as his ‘luvely sergeant’.
"You thought I didn’t notice your looks, lad, but I noticed all right. I’m only human." He shook his head, smiling a little. "Oh, I’d stuck wi’ women for years, and I’d had me leg over more than once..." he closed his eyes, "... but I took one look at you and I thought, if the impossible happened and that lad ever wanted me, I’d not say nay. But I never, never thought it’d ‘appen. That you’d come to my bed willingly. That Peter Pascoe would one day really be my lover. I thought if all I ever had of you was that one night, well at least you’d been mine for that night."
"Oh, Andy!" His face was in my neck and I hugged him. "I’m only sorry it took me so long to admit the truth."
He kissed my neck. "Lad, it matters not a jot now. We’re together, that’s what matters. And you’re happy, aren’t you, lad?"
I smiled at the small note of uncertainty in his voice.
"Once upon a time, not such a long time ago, I would never have thought that I would one day be Andy Dalziel’s lover..." I leaned over and kissed him, "...and that I’d be far happier, far more satisfied with my life than I ever was when I was married."
He grinned. "Well if nothing else you’re a better cook!"
I felt like throwing something at him but there was nothing handy. "Bastard!"
"Aye, that’s me - an evil bastard!" So saying, he rolled over on top of me to press his groin against mine.
"Evil, smug bastard!" His groin was starting to swell.
"You forgot horny!" he remarked.
"And to think you once said you’d need a set of jump leads to get it up," I muttered.
"I can keep up with you anytime, lad!"
I rolled him over so that it was me on top now, stroking and petting him like he loved. Lord, if the lads at the Nick could see him now with me stroking his chest and belly and his lovely cock standing to attention! Huh, they’d never believe it! Big cuddly teddy bear he is. Love him that way!
When he pressed his swelling groin against my own nothing mattered any more. None of it. It was truly finished now. In the past. Finito. Done with. Only one more thing left to do. I needed somehow to heal it. To heal the past, if it was possible. Needed to let Andy know how very much he meant to me. I made him lie back and close his eyes - and I began with his hair, running my fingers through it, stroking it. He smiled. "Feels nice, Sunbeam." I shushed him.
Spent the longest time stroking and kissing him everywhere till he was absolute putty in my hands. Finally I took his wonderful, big erection in my mouth and licked him to wet him thoroughly before lifting off him completely and lying down beside him. I remember I was so damned horny from all that kissing and petting that I could barely wait. "You can open your eyes now," I murmured. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to see me holding out my arms to him in welcome. "Aw, Sunbeam, you’re a lovely sight! Such a lovely lad!" He leaned over to pet and kiss me everywhere, insisting on doing things in his own time. The man who was sucking on my tits and stroking my hips and stomach bore not the slightest resemblance to the hard-nosed detective with the meanest reputation in Yorkshire. Not the slightest. If people could see him now they’d laugh at that rough, tough, vulgar act he puts on. He’s almost two different men, and I think he enjoys it. But right then he was enjoying me thoroughly. When he went to take my erection in his mouth I stopped him, knowing I was on a knife-edge of excitement and would come the moment I entered his mouth.
"God, Sunbeam, you’re ‘ot tonight!" He grabbed for the lubricant and slathered himself quickly while I deliberately made thrusting motions, unable to stay still even for a few seconds so great was my need. "Ah, me lovely lad!" he murmured as he entered me. I needed him so badly and I thrust up to meet him so that he was sheathed in seconds.
The feel of him there, inside me, stuffed full with his lovely cock was exquisite! Gorgeous! And he was thrusting and I was calling his name, desperate for release but not wanting it to end. I was squeezing him so hard and he was loving every moment of it. We were both on fire and all we did was fan the flames higher. Finally, he groaned a little and stopped, teeth clenched, eyes squeezed tight shut, on the edge of ecstasy. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I watched him as his eyes opened and he gazed down on me for the longest moment. A moment of pure intimacy that made the breath catch in my throat. We were both panting, bodies steaming, his wonderful erection alive and throbbing within me as I reached up and took his face in my hands, drawing him down for a kiss that would complete us. Would banish the hurt. When he reached for my erection I went mad, bucking like crazy, hands gripping like a vise, totally out of control. God, Andy was too and my heart went out to him, our bodies, our souls melted together. God, it was good! So powerful...
I remember opening my eyes some time later to see him gazing down at where I’d come all over my stomach. I reached for the tissues but he shook his head, pulled back so that his cock slowly slid out of me before leaning down to lick me. I loved the feel of his tongue on me and he was licking me clean and I was smiling, petting his damp hair, both of us bloody drenched. After a bit he rolled off me and we just lay there, breath calming, sweat evaporating on spent bodies.
Sometime later he turned to me, and I to him. Idly, he ran a finger through the perspiration on my upper lip. "It’s gone," was all he said, and I smiled, reaching out to stroke his cheek, and he knew I understood. I’d hurt him and he’d forgiven me.
He caught my hand and pressed it to his cheek. "Sunbeam, I’ve been at this game a long time - too bloody long - and I figured at my age, well nobody’s gonna love me for me looks, are they? Then ya come into me world, a smart-arse university pillock with a degree and too good-looking for your own good. Ya even got me name right first time. Unforgivable, that was."
"But what I will never forgive," he continued, "is that ya made me feel again. First it was you and your little Rosie and Ellie... and now..." he swallowed, momentarily unable to continue, "and now I’ll ‘ave to arrest ya for grand larceny. Ya’ve stolen me heart, dear lad, and I don’t think I’m ever gonna be gettin’ it back."
A tear started down his cheek and I caught it on my finger. As long as I’d known him I’d never seen him shed a tear.
"In that case then, sir, you’ll have to arrest me and lock me away for life, because I promise you now I’m never giving it back!" He embraced me and we hugged and we laughed, and there were tears in my eyes too. Between kisses filled with affection and delight he murmured, "Sunbeam, I’m just gonna ‘ave to place ya under arrest!"
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