TITLE: The Last Wetherton Virgin
SERIES: Sequel to follow
DISCLAIMER: Thank you, Reginald Hill, for creating these wonderful characters which I’ve merely borrowed.
DEDICATION: For Debbie, with thanks.
The Last Wetherton Virgin
by Violet Nightingale
There he goes! Look at that swagger! Arrogant bastard! Yeah, and no bloody wonder with another case solved! The great Superintendent Dalziel! Ellie once called me his ‘stooge’, but that was a year ago now and she took Rosie and left me. Took that job as a lecturer in London saying she was damned if she was going to be married to ‘Andy Dalziel’s stooge’! In a way I don’t blame her. Is that really what I am - ‘Andy Dalziel’s stooge’? Yeah, maybe. So what if I am? I’ve got to the stage where I don’t bloody care any more. Though at least Ellie didn’t complain about my shirts or make a fuss if I left a tiny dab of butter on a marmalade jar. No, she didn’t complain about that - she just gave me hell over the fact that I was always working and constantly came home late. Yeah, always working - with him! One way or the other I’m always with him. Look at me now - waiting for him on a Saturday morning while he buys some grog. Typical! But he has cut down though. He’s limiting himself to six smokes a day and cut right down on the beer. He’s eating healthier too and you can see he’s lost a bit of weight. In fact, he looks good. Never thought I’d hear myself say that! Then again, I never thought when I moved in with him that I’d still be living with him a year later. Somewhere there’s a God and he’s laughing his arse off at both of us. Biggest joke in Wetherton Nick - if not the biggest joke in Wetherton. Christ, what a laugh! Wetherton’s two top detectives shacked up together! Who’d have thought it! Certainly not me! Not him either, I bet! Not till everything changed the night I shot Peter Deller. Shot him through the heart three times and saved Andy’s life. We all got a bit drunk that night except for Wieldy, but he has Edwin to go home to. Think Andy was surprised when I left him in the pub. Wieldy dropped me off outside my house and said good night.
So I was a fool to go there. So Ellie rejected me. So I should have known better. Bloody heck, I should have known better! Suppose it was the last straw for her when I said I’d saved Andy’s life. She’d have liked nothing better than to hear he was dead. Guess from her point of view that might have meant hope for our marriage. Fat chance! We were never right for each other. Ellie belongs in academia, married to a lecturer who comes home nights while I do what I’m good at - I solve murders. Oh, not always. There are some that slip by and the cases remain open but who knows? In a few years time some new evidence might turn up. You never close the door on an unsolved case. I’m a detective and a pretty good one, thanks to him. Thanks to Andy. His talent is quite unique and he hardly ever puts a foot wrong. Regular Sherlock Holmes, that’s him. He’s instinctive too - he has a gut feeling and he goes with it. Says I need to learn that, so he’s still teaching me he reckons. One day I hope to graduate from the Andy Dalziel School of Hard-Boiled Detectives, but not just yet. Besides, I’ll only ever be soft-boiled, I know that. Of course, his big trick is mostly sheer bluff, being cold-hearted and coarse on the outside while all the time inside he’s a bloody marshmallow, even a gentleman. What a laugh that is! What an actor he is! Should get a bloody BAFTA, the cheeky old bugger. One day last December he accidentally left his chequebook out and I flipped through it. Shouldn’t have but I did. Guess it’s the detective in me. Discovered he’d donated £2,000 to a kid’s charity for Christmas. Even though I like to think I know him better than anyone I never would’ve believed it. Then there’s all the toys he buys for Rosie and he comes with me to visit her whenever we can and we take her out for the day. Never had any kids of his own so he’s proud of his little goddaughter. He was very sad when I lost her. I thought he was just sad for me, but I know now he missed her too. Rosie just adores her Uncle Andy and he really loves her. At least Ellie’s been reasonable about visits and doesn’t make a fuss, so that’s a mercy.
Where was I? Oh, yes, Peter Deller! Ellie flat-out rejected me. Said she didn’t want me. God, I was beside myself when I walked out of there! Couldn’t even think straight! Though somehow I knew it was the last time I would ever ask her for sex. God, it was more than sex I wanted anyway! I wanted to be held. I wanted to be praised for saving Andy’s life. Hell, I’d felt on top of the world till then. Bloody horny too, especially since I’d been getting none at all. Too bloody busy working even for a good hand fantasy. When I walked outside Andy was waiting for me in the car. He shouldn’t have been driving either with the amount he’d had to drink. I remember shaking my head thinking I should have known he’d be there. He’s always there when I need him. It’s like he always has been. He said nothing. Didn’t need to. Must have been able to tell from the expression on my face. When we got home all he said was, "Come on, Sunbeam. You’ve had a big night and I’m puttin’ ya to bed." Maybe the shock had started to set in then. I don’t know. All I know was that I started to shiver violently and felt ice-cold. He helped me into my room and undressed me. I think I just shivered more. He found my pyjamas and helped me into them. Then he actually tucked me into bed. Yeah, Andy Dalziel tucked me into bed like a mother! But I was still bloody freezing! He got another blanket and put it on the bed. Five minutes later I was still shaking. I vaguely heard him mutter, "Ah, sod it!" The next thing I knew he was naked except for his shorts and telling me to move over a bit.
Yes, Andy Dalziel got into bed with me! I was in no condition to protest when he put his arms around me and said, "C’mere, Sunshine. I’ll warm ya up." I ended up lying half on top of him - and God but he was warm! And I just stayed like that, shaking, my face buried in his neck. We just lay there in the dark, me still shivering a bit.
How warm he was - and not just physically. His arms were around me, petting me to try and warm me, soothe me. God, but it felt good! I’d never been held by a man like this before. Accustomed only to Ellie, I’d never been with someone as strong as - if not stronger - than myself. My head was in a spin too. All I could think was that Andy might have so easily died - and for what? If he’d died it would’ve been for nothing. I mean Deller wasn’t after Andy, he was after Ransome. Thank God my skills were sufficient to save him. He was alive, and his arms were around me. He was embracing me and petting me and I returned the embrace, hugging him hard and all I could say was, "You could have been killed!" and I repeated it like a litany, or perhaps it was a prayer - a prayer that he wouldn’t be killed, wouldn’t just be taken like that. Or maybe it was a prayer I’d never have to kill again. Briefly, I wondered if this was how a soldier felt in war after he’d killed for the first time. Didn’t know. All I knew was that I was warm, the shivering had finally stopped, and Andy Dalziel was still holding me in the warmest, most welcoming embrace - and I needed it. I’d been like a man drowning and my own wife had pulled up the gangway, slammed the hatch shut and sailed away. But this man - this big, warm-hearted bloke - had thrown me a lifeline and saved me. He’d been there too once upon a time. He knew what it was like, though I guess he’d had his wife then to comfort him. He knew Ellie’d reject me. He must have followed Wieldy when he dropped me off and just waited for me to come out. Thank God he did! Thank God for that gut instinct of his or God knows what might have happened to me that night!
Anyway, I was lying there feeling all nice and warm and I swear I didn’t even realise it but I was petting his stomach. Yes, me, Peter Pascoe, petting Andy Dalziel’s big belly! I remember he pulled back a bit to look at me. "Sunbeam?" he murmured, and I just smiled at him. "I was thanking God for your gut instinct." "Ya might not be so thankful if ya keep that up!" he warned, but I didn’t care. All of a sudden I was bloody horny again. I’d fired a gun three times and killed a man tonight and I felt like I could take on the world. I was horny, I was playing with fire, and to hell with the consequences. Well that’s how I felt about it at the time. But he knew though. Andy knew. He’s always understood me. Sometimes I think he understands me better than I understand myself. Suddenly his hand was there, on my groin, and Christ but I was swollen. Felt bloody huge! "I know what you need, Sunbeam," he murmured. He undid my pyjama bottoms and freed my cock. Oh, God, the feel of his hand was fantastic! I was so far gone that I came inside a minute. Far too fast. Didn’t want it to be over so soon. Jesus, it had felt good! He said nothing, just cleaned me up a bit and said, "You’ll be right now, Sunbeam. You need sleep and I’ll say goodnight." He got out of bed and all I could think was no, don’t go! Not yet! When I gave voice to my thoughts he turned and sat back down on the bed. I asked him to stay. He said nothing but lay down beside me again, making no move to take me in his arms. I wanted that. I wanted the warmth of his arms around me once more. I moved closer to embrace him. "Sunbeam, I’m only human and givin’ ya a wank has got my balls in knots," he warned. As if I heeded the warning! Of course I didn’t! And that was the moment I did it. I really did it. Actually reached out and touched his hardness. He was big. Knew he’d be. Didn’t scare me. No qualms at all. Got his shorts off him and reached for him again. Felt good. I watched his eyes close in pleasure, heard him murmur my name. God knows what came over me but it was like all of a sudden it was the most important thing in the world that I give him the pleasure he’d given me ; pleasure my own wife had denied me. I was reckless and I wanted more. I did the unthinkable - I leaned over and took Andy Dalziel’s bloody great erection in my mouth. I remember him murmuring my name and petting my hair as I got comfortable. I sucked him - and to this day I quake at the improbability of it. Yeah, I sucked Andy sodding Dalziel’s cock - and enjoyed it! Oh, I didn’t want to admit it, not till much later, but I damn well loved it! Loved it so much I was hard again. I turned around in the bed so that my own cock was not out of his reach and I took his hand and felt it wrap around my own hardness. "God, you’re really up for it again, aren’t you!" he muttered. "Ah, sod it! C’mere, lad!" He pulled me further around, buried his face in my groin and took me into his mouth.
Seems redundant now but I know it was one of those defining moments in life. I’ve had many - graduation, marrying Ellie, the birth of my daughter, cases we’ve solved and of course that same night when I’d killed Peter Deller to save Andy. I hadn’t hesitated for a second to kill for him. Not for a single second. And there I was swallowing Andy’s cock and he mine - and I was enjoying the hell out of it. Couldn’t get enough of it! God, it felt bloody marvellous! Strange thing was he was a gentleman and tried to pull away just before he came. It was me who wouldn’t let go. Instead I’d sucked ravenously and taken him even deeper into my throat, like a man who was starving to death being offered a tasty morsel. Oh, he was a big morsel all right! Bloody big morsel - and I wanted him like that! Trouble was I don’t know which shocked me more - that I’d just killed someone to save Andy Dalziel’s life, or that here I was feeding on his cock like Rosie had on Ellie’s breast. God, that was a night for shocks, that was! Think I was out of control. Guess I was. Guess I’d needed it. I know what drove me over the edge. He wet two fingers and pushed first one, then the other into my arse and began to stroke my prostate. Ye Gods, I’d never felt anything like it before! Ellie had never done this but Andy told me much later how his ex used to do that for him and it always drove him crazy too. Crazy? I was sodding certifiable that night! And if Andy was a gentleman, I wasn’t. Didn’t warn him, just came like mad in his mouth and moments later he came in mine, and I didn’t care. Swallowed every bit of him, even felt proud that I’d turned him on that much. Oh, I knew that women found me attractive, but for some reason I’d never felt the same confidence with men even though I’d had offers. Oh, yes, I’d had offers all right. Handsome blokes too. And I’d looked, plenty of times. But do I choose to get it on with a handsome bloke the first time? No, sod it, I have to do it with a right homely looking one!
Oh, I told myself afterwards it was just an aberration, a reaction caused by the shock of killing someone. I was lying and I knew it. I lied to myself and I lied to Andy. Oh, he tried to speak to me about it once, but I rebuffed him completely. What a bloody coward I was! Couldn’t handle it though. Couldn’t handle it at all except to pretend that nothing untoward had happened and go back to stark, staring, raving normal. Except that something had changed for me. I’d sucked another man’s cock, even swallowed his cum - and I didn’t dare think about the fact that I’d enjoyed it. Sod it, I liked women, didn’t I? Well I decided that I’d just have to go out and prove my masculinity again. Stupid, stubborn bastard, that’s what I was! Spent the next six months proving my masculinity with an assortment of women, all of whom for one reason or another, turned out to be unsuitable girlfriend material and none of whom would put up with the fact that I constantly broke dates because of my work. How few women there must be in this world who’re prepared to put up with a man who’s never home! Guess I understand that better now. Christ, it’s a wonder Ellie stayed as long as she did!
Where was I? Oh, yes, so six lousy months go by and I’m putting it about left, right and centre. So what happens? I have a fall while chasing a suspect. Twisted my ankle badly on a tree root, and as a result fell into an icy, fast-flowing stream. Wieldy was not far behind me and caught the suspect but I was in a bad way. I was getting swept downstream fast. It was Andy who ran along the bank and found a tree branch. Some of the others helped and they fished me out but, sod it, I couldn’t walk. Had to hop on one foot while Andy and Wieldy supported me and my twisted ankle was giving me merry hell. Well they took me to a doctor where they x-rayed my ankle, said it was actually broken and to keep off it for a month. I was stuck hobbling around on crutches for a week and using a cane for another three weeks while the Fat Man made fun of how it’d put a crimp in my sex life. Huh! The bastard wasn’t wrong! But he looked after me like a mother hen with one chick. Helped me cover the plaster on my foot with plastic for the shower and put a plastic chair there too so that I wouldn’t have to balance on one foot while I washed. The big problem was the stairs, not coming down so much as going up. Still I managed all right and returned to work after a week. Humiliating though, to have to accept help from other people. Never told Ellie about the crutches. Not sure if she’d have laughed or felt sorry for me - probably the former.
Anyway, came the night of my third day on crutches, and by this time I was thoroughly fed up, when I slipped hopping out of the shower while reaching for a towel. Fell rather heavily on the bathroom tiles and, God, did it hurt! Thank God Andy was around. Guess he must have heard me fall because he was in the bathroom in moments, helping me up while I did a good deal of swearing. Lucky for me I hadn’t done any more damage to my ankle. It was more my pride that was hurt. It was a case of here was me bollock naked and demanding he stop fussing and hand me my crutches and, oh, yes, a towel would be nice too, and him all concerned for my wellbeing. Well he could stuff his concern where the sun didn’t shine! I knew damn well I was being churlish and he didn’t deserve it but I was completely frustrated with my situation and didn’t care.
When I hobbled out of the bathroom on my crutches he was waiting for me in my room. I protested again that I was all right and didn’t need his help to get into bed but this time he just ignored me. "Look ‘ere, Sunbeam, it’s time you and I had a good long natter." "About what?" I demanded. "About this obsession of yours to lay every woman within a 20k radius," says he. Cheeky bastard! What right did he have to question me about my sex life? It was none of his business and God knows I never asked about his. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seemed to show any interest in women now for... well, ages. "Look ‘ere, lad, I know you’re young, you’re good-looking, women like ya and ya’ave a right to a sex life God knows. But seems to me ya’ave gone a little over the top. Last week I nearly tripped over two different girls right here, a blonde and a redhead..." "So what’s it to you?" I demanded. "If you don’t like it I’ll move out." "Nay, lad, I never said that and stop your interrupting." He was determined to say it, whatever it was, so I had to let him finish. "All right, then, what?" "Peter, all I want to say is, in spite of all them pretty girls, ya don’t seem happy." "I’ll be happy when my ankle’s better and I can throw away these sodding crutches!" I retorted, lying through my teeth. I wasn’t happy and we both knew it, but I wasn’t about to admit it. And how could I dare admit to wanting the one thing that might make me happy. No, no. Never admit that. I respected Andy, even liked the rotten bugger, but I was damned if I was ever going to be more than a friend. I mean sod it to hell, I didn’t even fancy kissing him. Strange that I’d sucked him off but never kissed him. Oh, well, some men don’t like kissing other men, I reasoned, but they won’t turn down a wank when it’s offered.
Now where was I? Oh, yes! Andy was determined to have his say. "Look, all I’m sayin’ is ya need to do whatever it is that’d make ya happy," he continued. But I was angry now. He was getting far too close to the truth, so I hit out at him. "What the hell do you want? Are you jealous, is that it? You want to join in? That’s it, isn’t it! You want to join in the fun! Well you can forget it. I’ll find my own place and I’ll start looking as soon as I can throw away these bloody crutches!" "Now, Peter, ya know that’s not what I want." "Then what the hell do you want?" I demanded. "Just to see ya ’appy, lad, like ya used to be. That’s all. And now I’ve said me piece I’ll say goodnight." Much to my surprise, he just turned and left the room. And I sat on the bed feeling like a stunned mullet and considered what had just happened. I realised my words had probably hurt him when I really didn’t mean to. God, but I didn’t want to admit what was wrong with me! Couldn’t and wouldn’t. But the longer I sat there the more I wondered where the hell all this denial was getting me. In his own way, Andy Dalziel loved me. In my own way I loved him too, but it didn’t mean I had to sleep with him, did it?
Unwanted images kept coming to me of that one night six months ago. In the end I stopped fighting it and for the first time allowed myself to relive it. I remembered it all, every detail, from the feel of his hand to the feel of his mouth on my erection; from the feel of his cock down my throat to the thrill I felt when he came. I relived it all, a blow by blow account, as it were, of the night I killed a man, got rejected by my wife for the last time and spent the rest of it in Andy Dalziel’s arms. God only knew what time it’d been when I’d fallen asleep beside him, arms about one another and legs in a tangle, and I’d never felt better in my life!
So, the question had to be asked: Was that what I wanted? Did I want to be Andy Dalziel’s lover? He sure wasn’t my idea of a good-looking sort, man or woman, but it was like something in my soul screamed yes, he was the one I wanted, and nothing else would satisfy me. He was the one I needed - if he’d have me. It was as though a door slammed shut on my past and there was no going back. There was only one way to find out. I removed my dressing gown, got my crutches and hobbled into his room. Didn’t bother to knock, just entered and closed the door behind me. The bedside lamp was still on and he was lying there reading a book - and he says he doesn’t read books. Another lie! He looked at me for a moment as if he were seeing a ghost before putting down the book. He turned down the covers in welcome and I placed my crutches on the floor and got into bed beside him. "Well now, Sunbeam, does this mean what I think it means?" he asked, a small, crooked smile on his face. The smug bugger had won me, and he knew it. Oh, he won me a long time ago really, only difference now was that I’d stopped fighting it. "Wouldn’t be here otherwise," I answered, returning his smile. He moved closer and I took him in my arms, a bit tentatively at first. It was he who suddenly crushed me against him and I realised just how much this meant to him - how much I meant to him. I returned the embrace with enthusiasm, revelling in his strength, his warmth and how good he smelt. Must be the cleanest bugger I’ve ever met. It was like it had been that night six months ago all over again, only now I wasn’t in shock, well except for a bit of self-revelation. I told him how sorry I was for my recent behaviour but he just shushed me and said it was all over now. He lay on his back and I rested my head on his chest, rubbing my cheek in the soft, fair hair there - and, God, but it felt good even if it tickled a little. Well at least he wouldn’t be complaining ’cause I was crushing his breasts or something. He was stroking me a little and running his hands through my hair, and I’d always liked it when Ellie used to do that. But it was Andy now, and it was time to cease comparisons. I looked up at him and smiled, offering him a first kiss. Strangely, it was he who was a little reticent, letting me take the lead and find my own way.
Well that night was another one of those defining moments. We did everything and then some. We explored and we discovered. We did what came natural. Oh, we still argued, even during sex, but we laughed too - and I couldn’t remember when sex had ever been so much fun before. Neither one of us held back. We just did what we felt like, and if either one of us had dared to say he was still a virgin after that night, well he’d’ve been a liar. One more thing I discovered was what a fool I’d been not to fancy kissing him. He loved to kiss and he loved to suck on my tongue. If I put my tongue that far into Ellie’s throat she complained I was choking her. Women really do have smaller mouths and I’d learned to restrain myself. Not with Andy! Practically swallowed my tongue whole, and I his. No holding back. Lord, it was good! I remember much later we were laughing and he was proud that he’d acquitted himself so well seeing as how he was a bit rusty, as he put it. Anyway, he comes out with this line about me being the last Wetherton virgin. I asked him how he figured that and he says, "Look here, lad, what are ya now - twenty-six?" "So?" "Well by anyone’s reckonin’ that’s pretty old to be losin’ your virginity!" "Oh, you think so!" I muttered. "And how old were you anyway?" "Fourteen." "Huh! Well? Was it a man or another boy?" "Actually it were a couple. Gave me a lift and took turns. First the wife, then her husband. Ride of my life!" he sighed. Had to laugh! Trust him! Not much that the man hasn’t tried at one time or another. "You never do anything by halves, do you?" He smiled. "Petal, I never do anythin’ ‘alf-hearted!" Anyway, a week later he gave me this stupid t-shirt with the words ‘The Last Wetherton Virgin’ emblazoned on it! Could’ve kicked his arse but it’s good for a laugh, especially in the company of Wieldy and Edwin.
As for our reputations, well there’s nothing you can do about the gossip except live by example and hope it’ll die a natural death. Meantime Andy insists he can live with it. So can I. Oh, they might call me his bum boy, or they might say that I only got my promotion because I put out for the Super, but they wouldn’t dare say it to my face. Same goes for Andy. But I’m a Chief Inspector now, so I command more respect and I know the men look up to me just as I still look up to Andy. Of course he still maintains his reputation for being a mean bastard and at work he’s as he always was and he treats me the same as he always did, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Says nobody would respect him otherwise, and he’s right. I know many people look at me and wonder what the hell I see in him. There are a few who look at me, look at him, add two and two and come up with four. Very few though. Wieldy of course. The ACC. Shirl understands too. I see her look at us sometimes and she knows. Women always seem to understand relationships better than men.
As far as Ellie’s concerned, well she says I’ve gone from being "Andy’s Dalziel’s stooge" to "Andy Dalziel’s toy boy" - and in her book that’s twenty times worse. We’ll never agree on Andy, or my career, but I’m past caring what she thinks. I’m happy now and she seems to be too since she has another man in her life.
Here he comes at last! Bet he’s been talking rugby. My God, looks like he’s bought half the pub! Deposits the lot in the boot and gets in. "So what are we celebrating?" I enquire. "Big match tonight!" he says, looking at me like I’m daft. "Good. I’ll get to finish my book," I mutter. "Sunbeam, I can see I’m going to have to continue your education," he says, scowling at me like I’m a wayward six year old. He might put the fear of God into many this man, but not me and not for a long time. Especially not since I discovered this big, rough, tough git was the gentlest thing in bed. Hell, he even loved animals. Look how he saved that fox, the big softie! So now, instead of arguing, I put my arms around his neck, pull him closer and kiss him full on the mouth. Of course he immediately pulls back to give me the evil eye and rebuke me. "Now, Peter, I thought we were going to maintain some sort ‘a decorum in public. So what’s that all about?" he demands, head cocked to one side. I play along and shrug. "Stuffed if I know. Want another?" I offer. "Think I’d better get ya ‘ome, Sunbeam - and fast!"
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