|Title: "Until Tonight"
Fandom: Queer As Folk
Archive: Yes. Please.
Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. I presume that Channel 4 and
Russell D. do.
Notes: Still feeling the awful affects of having to study for this damn
licensing exam in September. As I'm in a not so lovely mood, this is the
result. I'm more than sure some of you will adore it and others will want
to through things at the monitor. Oh well, I thought I'd come up with a
missing scene from QAF 1.
Summary: After Vince's party . . . Stuart faces the music.
Warnings: Spoilers for QAF 1, definitely. Angst abounds.... And we see a
side of Vince that's hinted at during the show but only in spurts.... I'm
talking anger, and his darker nature. Not that Stuart doesn't deserve
it....lol. FEEDBACK is definitely needed. Lift my spirits, luvs..... Not
betaed. Just needed to set this one free so all mistakes are my own.
(August 21, 2000)
The sleep he's so desperately sought as refuge assaulted him with its
abandonment. The waking nightmare continued to haunt him with the cruelty
of his own actions as he thrashed about in bed. He'd considered taking a
sleeping pill . . . but some masochistic impulse prevented him from seeking
the comfort of lost consciousness. He deserved the misery, right? Stuart
Alan Jones had done a potentially devastating thing to his best friend of
half a lifetime. And on his birthday, too. Sure he kept telling himself
that it was for both their own goods that Vince be forced to beat a hasty
exit from his life . . . but his inner voice echoed with the sentiment of
pain. Guilt leaving traces of acidity across his tongue . . .
Stuart mumbled, "Sod it!" He thrust back the bed covers and left its warmth
to stumble in the dark. The pills where out . . . so that left alcohol. At
least that meant that he could try forgetting while still adding to his
chances of debilitating his body's reserves that much sooner with drinking.
Short term escape followed by long term consequences... Just like his life.
For so long he'd clung to the flash of each one night stand while ignoring
the results of his actions and their future repercussions.
Stuart didn't wait for the spirits to hit him before slumping down to the
floor in front of his bar. Reclining back as he drank, the man just shook
his head without thought as he tried to focus on anything but the reality of
being alone. He sneered at the thought. Stuart Alan Jones had everything
he wanted in life. Money, killer looks, charm, good business sense and the
ability to shag any bloke he fancied. This self-satisfying list was quickly
followed by a voice echoing through his fogged brain, 'Yeah, but what don't
you have, you twat?' A family who knew and accepted him for what he truly
was . . . A home instead of a shag factory . . . A son to raise without
the specter of Lance on the horizon . . . And a friend . . .
He'd had that friend until tonight. No matter what they'd gone through . .
. no matter how he'd abused and taken Vince's loyalty for granted, they'd
always been each other's closest link in life. Vince was closer to him than
anyone, knew him better than even his own blood family . . . saw the harsh
reality of his true face and still loved him despite his spoiled nature.
Until tonight . . .
"I did it for him." Stuart knew that others would see outing Vince to a
co-worker as just another of his cruel jokes - a whim without care of
consequence. The ultimate betrayal of trust. Complete with a Judas kiss.
Hell, beating the shit out of his friend wouldn't have had the same lasting
And the look in his eyes . . . those beautiful eyes so filled with pain.
He threw his whiskey glass across the room, hearing the satisfying crash as
it fragmented against he knew not what...
"It was for him." Hanging his head low, Stuart sighed in exhaustion. He'd
been walking in a state of dread all night. Waiting for Rosalie to show,
putting on a face for Vince and playing off of Cameron's anger. His
jealousy . . . Cameron's and his own. He would have thought that having
recognized that worthless emotion in himself would have been more
surprising, but then no matter who they'd been shagging . . . Vince had
always been his. In mind, heart . . . in every way except in deed. But
realizing that he didn't just dislike Cameron . . . that he was actually
jealous of the hold the man was trying to place on Vince had been
disturbing. Having Cameron throw Vince's desire for Stuart in his face had
been his breaking point.
But now that he'd deliberately pushed Vince out of his world, Stuart felt
like he'd been the one left adrift. And it had only been a few hours. What
the hell was he gonna feel like in the days, months . . . hell - the years
to come? Running his hands through the mass of black curls atop his head,
Stuart rested his forehead against his knees . . . the position becoming
almost fetal as he began to rock slightly. "This is not what I want."
"What do you want, Stuart?"
The sound of Vince's voice caused Stuart to jerk his head up before he
screamed out a curse as his skull connected violently with the bar behind
him. "Fucking shit sonofabitch ..." He was seeing stars as his brain tried
to absorb the sparks of pain that flinted across his eyes. Cradling the
back of his scalp, Stuart questioned hesitantly . . . as if the figure
sitting across the room at his desk were a figure of his addled brain.
"Yeah, that's me. Just the one, in case you're seeing double."
"Ha ha..." Stuart stumbled up off the floor. He wandered unsteadily around
the bar until he could stand behind it, leaning against it for support as he
looked over at Vince. His former friend was sitting in what seemed a
perfectly calm manner, staring his way with an expression that hid any trace
of his customary emotions. The stillness of his body and the bland tone of
his voice all served to put Stuart even more on edge. "What are you doing
"Keeping with the theme of the night . . . apparently."
"Which theme is that? Having a go at me..."
"By the looks, you're having a pretty good go at yourself here..." Vince
nodded towards the shared of broken glass that now littered one corner of
Stuart flinched as he realized that Vince had been a witness to his every
move since he'd left the bed. He didn't like the fact that he'd been seen
like that by this man. And what'd he'd said...bloody hell. "Answer the
"The theme of revealing hidden truths." Vince's voice held an edge that may
have been sarcastic pain or reluctantly admitted irony.
Not wanting to face this discussion, Stuart went on the attack as a means of
self-defense. "I'm disappointed so far, Vince. Your best chance in life to
play drama queen and you're blowing it all to shit." His sense of
anticipation was weighted by Vince's non-response to his harsh words. The
man didn't get up and leave or even open his mouth to respond. Vince just
continued to sit there . . . looking at him as though he'd suddenly turned
transparent with every secret shining from his heart and mind. Taking a
different tact, Stuart grinned sarcastically as he asked, "So where's
"Still in my bed just like you'd planned."
"What are you talking about?" Stuart stood straighter as Vince rose from
his seat and proceeded to walk slowly towards him as he spoke very
"I'm speaking of the man you've supposedly sacrificed me too. My lover, by
your designs. The man I'm fucking in your stead." Seeing Stuart's shocked
expression, Vince continued as he walked around Stuart's back to his other
side . . . repeating the motion as he spoke. The prowling movements caused
Stuart to freeze up and stare straight ahead as he felt Vince's body brush
against his back and arse with every pass around him. "You ignored him at
Phil's funeral as unshaggable. You suavely segue-wayed out of a
conversation regarding your indiscretion with Nathan in my mother's house .
. . in the same fucking room you first touched me at fourteen, mind, to set
me up on a date with Cameron because it was an amusing way to escape. No
accountability if the focus shifts off you. You sent me out to him that
night after telling me I was fantastic, one of only a hand-full of
complements you've ever given me that didn't end with you calling me a sad
bastard. Then the oh-so-supportive friend that you are, you tried to shag
him the very next time you saw us together . . . when you were the one who
pushed me into being there with him in the first place."
Stopping briefly to whisper into Stuart's ear, Vince confessed, "That night
was the first time I shagged him. Call it marking my territory out of
spite. The irony being that he's not the one I wanted to claim."
Stuart bit back a surprised gasp as Vince pressed fully against his back,
sending his own body closer into the solidity of the bar. He glanced down
as Vince placed his hands on the counter on either side of him, effectively
pinning him in place. He shivered as he felt the heat of the man's voice
against the back of his neck.
"After that, I enjoyed it when we'd be out and Cameron would try his
damnedest to splay you in two with jibes. I admit to finding satisfaction
at seeing you on the other end of a sarcastic tongue. Kept telling myself
that you deserved the benefit of a doubt, though. And it placed me in a
position in which I could defend you once again. Ever the loyal Vince,
Stuart opened his mouth to say . . . hell, he didn't know what. Just to
stop the stream of words from Vince's mouth. These were thoughts too
intense for the open air, a painful mirror of his own cruel actions and he
wanted nothing more than to escape the tumult they caused him to feel.
Escape from the heat of having Vince's body against him and the flutter
being trapped like this produced in his chest. So he moved to speak, only
to have his words cut off with the slide of Vince's hand down the length of
his bared chest and under his shorts . . . stopping just above his groin.
Feeling the tips of Vince's fingers traveling through the curls just above
his cock sent a violent stab of need through his body. He gasped out
harshly in response to the hardening of his flesh. "Vince? What are you .
. ." His voice drifted off in sudden silence as Vince pulled him fully back
against his chest with his other hand playing smoothly over Stuart's chest.
"I'm doing what I want to do for a change. Being selfish seems to have some
rewards. I mean, look what it's always afforded you. Oh but you were being
selfless tonight, you were. Giving me the chance to experience love with
Cameron . . . freeing me from the big bad monster, Stuart Alan Jones. Once
again taking the decision for things out of my hands. Thought I'd just
follow along and walk away without demanding more from you than you've
condescended to give me in the past. No explanations needed with Vince.
He'll just follow along like the good puppy that he is, but then I've always
placated everyone in my life. Especially you." Vince lowered his warm
touch to tease along the base of Stuart's hard-on...never closer than the
brush of a finger before drawing away and returning again, the motion
causing the silk fabric of Stuart's shorts to glide over the head of his
cock in added torture.
As Stuart's body surged forward into the touch, his mind warred against this
turn of reality. I mean this was Vince . . . grabbing him close, touching
him . . . almost but not enough and speaking in a way that baffled Stuart
with his candor. "Oh god." Stuart groaned loudly as Vince reached down
even further to take his balls in hand.
"Oh no, Stuart. It's always been about you. All these years and all my
longing . . ." Vince rolled them slowly in their sag, laughing roughly
against his neck as Stuart spread his legs to allow him more room in which
to move. "But things change. And today of all days should be about what I
Stuart groaned as Vince pushed him forward, making him lean over the counter
top. Not believing how hot this was, how unbelievable that this was
happening and how much he was loving it, Stuart tried to push back up only
to have Vince place his free hand on the back of his neck. It was a
directional move, meant to command but not to frighten. Stuart gripped the
edges of the counter as he gave in the to position. "Vince, please. I . .
"Shh, Stuart. I still have the floor." He punctuated his words by pressing
his own groin against Stuart's behind, moving round in small enticing
circles as he let go of Stuart's warm flesh. Vince pulled Stuart's shorts
over his hips till they hit the floor. "You've been a naughty boy, Stuart.
Have a lot of making up to do . . ." He placed his hand on Stuart's hips as
the man began to press back into his movements. "Keeping that in mind, what
do I want? What with it being the big 3 - 0 and all. Party was great, up
until you played cunt of the century. K-9 was the best, but even that pales
after what you did. The kiss . . . nice but as kiss-offs go, a bit below
par." He leaned in over the man's back and whispered in his ear. "So ask
Stuart was breathing heavily at this point. Desperate to feel more of
Vince's touch despite having his brain screaming out that he needed to
think, Stuart panted out a question. "Ask . . . oh shit. Ask what?"
"For a change ask me what I want, Stuart."
Pressing his forehead against the counter as he shook his head back and
forth with the wanton circling of his own hips against Vince's denim covered
hard-on, Stuart gasped out the required question. "What do you want?"
Vince chuckled as he breathed a waved of hot air against Stuart's shoulder
blades. The man below him had started to sweat as he moved. "Such a slut,
you are. Hmm...nice moves though." Licking up Stuart's neck, Vince bit
playfully at the man's skin before raising them both up off the bar.
Pulling Stuart's naked body back against his fully clothed form, Vince said.
"I want many things. But right now, I'd like to find out just what your
cock feels like in my hand."
Stuart moaned as Vince took his harden flesh in hand. So brilliant to feel
his touch . . . to know that it was Vince who . . . "Oh yeah. Shit,
Vince." The man behind him was stroking in a demanding rhythm along the
full length of his cock, not giving him a chance to catch his breath. Only
the touch kept changing . . . a slow tease over the crown, circling of his
wrist as his palm moved along the shaft, slow pumping of his cock from base
to tip . . . every changing in the madness of this tangled scene. Stuart
had to lean completely back against Vince's chest, unable to trust the
strength of his own legs. Biting at his lip, he still couldn't contain the
volume of his escalating moans.
Purposefully, Vince continued to work him to the point of coming and then
retreating back again. Stuart finally cried out, "Vince! Please, I need .
. . I want . . ."
Pinching Stuart's nipples in time with his strokes, Vince spoke in a tone
colored roughly with his own response to Stuart's passion. "What, Stuart?
What do you want?" Speeding up his pace, he demanded. "Tell me or I'll
"I . . . I want. Want . . ." Breathing out he spoke rapidly as he felt
his body coming quickly to the precipice, "I want you."
Vince pressed Stuart back down onto the bar, speaking in a quiet voice that
spoke of sudden deep and stark emotion. "Nice to hear. But - we - don't -
always - get - what - we - want." The words followed meaningfully by Vince
quickly pressing down hard at just the right spot to stop Stuart's climax in
Crying out in disbelief and surprise, Stuart felt it as Vince removed his
hands from his body. Trembling in with a rush of conflicting emotions -
anger, confusion - mixed the still burning heat of his own body, Stuart
gasped out a question. "Why?"
"For what you did to me, of course." Vince spoke from a distance.
Stuart turned his head as he remained slumped over the counter for support
to look at him standing over now by the door. "I didn't . . ."
"What? Didn't what? Want to hurt me . . . Too late." Raising his hand -
the one he'd had round Stuart's cock - to his lips, Vince inhaled the
fragrance of Stuart's flesh before speaking again. "Well now you know some
of what it's like . . . wanting something you not gonna get. Being party to
a wank that never got finished." Slowly drawing two of his fingers into his
mouth, Vince made a point of tasting Stuart while he watched.
Stuart stood finally, running both hands over his face before reaching down
to draw up his shorts over his cock . . . biting back a sound as the silk
teased over his still hardened flesh. Looking at Vince, he opened his mouth
to speak . . . confused as to what he wanted to say. "Vince, I . . ." The
words seemed to lodge in the back of his throat like a dead weight. Trying
to force them out, he said. "I'm . . ."
Seeing Stuart hesitate one too many times, Vince turned sharply on his
heels. "Well it's been a laugh. See yah."
As he jerked open the door in anger, Stuart moved to catch up with him.
"Vince, wait. I'm . . ."
The sentence was cut off with the slamming of the door in Stuart's face.
And the only sound that broke the silence of the room was Stuart's whisper
as he stood alone once more with his misery. ". . . sorry."
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